Feeling crabby

Sometimes in this life, no matter how positive a person is, there is a downside moment. And reflecting my own self, I used to be a positive girl, and I thought I could tolerate all types of behavior. However, we are so imperfect and I am only a human. Is this even a justification? That we are human is not a justification for me to feel like this. Part of me wanna kill, and part of me simply wanna tolerate...This is really a slippery slope towards my ideology.

This is 2.56 am when I am writing this, and I am growing crabby, cantankerous, bad-tempered, aarrrghhh...all words that describe this negativity inside me...
I used to have close friends but almost three years we have never contacted each other due to some irrevocable differences of personalities. They are older, and i knew them as slanderer. They liked to vilify anyone they think as attacking their security. I of course didn't give a damn.

Recently, however, i heard bad rumors about me from my another past close friend. He told me what they talked to him, and i am glad that he told me before mushrooming the situation. But the problem is, what those women told about me to people weren't true! They had arranged their stories in such a way that I found them as such backstabbers who feel insecure with themselves that they have to gossip about people all the time.

God, please help me forgive them! Right now, I just wanna kill!