Base Line

This morning, I woke up, thinking of something big to happen, something enjoyable. Well, I believe everyone expects something good happens to him all the time, n especially me at the moment. Each day seems a frenzy of manic activity, a marathon of hurdles like coping with excessive paperwork, my study and my daily work. Pheewh! I dun remember when the last time I got my recreation. Looking back to my past, I used to hang out with my friends very often, almost everyday. But if somebody asks me if I want to go back to those days, high possibly I will say "No". Why? I'm not really sure. Hanging out isn't the answer, I guess. Granted, my past has a lot of memories - mostly sweet, but it's not something that I am contented with.

I always question myself: Is human supposed to be satisfied? Or else? Is it true that we mustn't "stop till we reach the top"? And who is going to set the parameter of what 'top' actually is. Is it myself? Then, why am I never satisfied even though I have reached the top?

A friend of mine ever shared to me about what he called as 'base line'. Every human being has the base line, that it is simply the base of what we want. A person sets a goal, then after he has reached the goal, he is undeniably going back to the 'base line'. He merely thinks or feel normal about that, he might be excited for a while, but won't be long cos he's not satisfied and will ask for more.U get what I mean? Humans are never satisfied if they don't maintain the perspective of their own base lines.

An actor, once liked fooling around with girls, having sex and abusing drugs, eventually found out that he's suffering from HIV infection. Starting that point, he was seeing everything in different perspective, realising that he's gonna pass away soon. Every single minute seemed very precious to him. He appreciated people more than ever. Every single moment was enjoyable, like a blessing. Do u think why it is so? Simply because the perspective in the base line has changed. People like him are satisfied, or I should say 'close to satisfaction', cos they know how to maintain the balance of what they should get or they shouldn't get.

How to be happy? There are varieties of of answers for this. It doesn't matter. But when a person is satisfied with what he wants, what he gets, his family, his environment, his society, he is probably the happiest person alive. To be satisfied, base line should be set with certain realistic perspective.

Can I do that? Not really sure, but am trying hard for that. I Am trying to see everything from 'base line', be satisfied with my work, my life generally.

A dream saga (A collaborative ballad)

First, thanks to Jonathan Marpaung who initiated this as a comment on my poem in facebook note, now,I would love to share in my blog how this ballad has become, it's very funny, romantic and interesting with efforts to make the lines rhyme, despite few inconsistencies...This poem can be found originally in my comments in my note on facebook titled 'Frozen', and anyone who feels like prolonging it can comment more on the notes,welcome, and please please do...I myself found it very fun as this is so unpredictable and abrupt... But, we can consider this ended, unless there are more lines later, then I will update.



Jonathan Marpaung at 10:26am March 25

Once upon a time
There was a knight
Who lived to make a dime
By conquest and by fight

Power overcame reason
Victory a constant lust
But soon will come the season
When all will return to dust


Catherine Tanoto at 12:02pm March 25

Cos love then came unknowingly and forcefully
Power conquest and fight are no longer that intense
A thing has overwhelmed his mind truly
A love has came to him in immense

A lady in one of his excurse
Frail, beautiful and unprotected
Whether or not he had himself in curse
His reasons were emotionally-tainted



Husain Daud Abidi at 1:52pm March 27

Then Came a night!
With thunderstorms and sky light!
When a Demon Came from underworld
ready to take over the earth

The knight knew what needed to be done
To let his kingdom shine by the Sun
Leaving his lady under the protection of god
he went to fight the demon in the weather red hot


Jonathan Marpaung at 3:44pm March 27

Onward to battle the undead!
With seven heads and seven tentacles
Whose roar filled men's heart with dread
And it's eyes a diabolical spectacle

Unleashed the fury of a beast
Chained for eons beneath the earth
The knight in armor not daunted the least
For he fought for the lady who filled his heart with mirth

Husain Daud Abidi at 8:04pm March 27

The Day was cursed the hearts were bent
A rumour sneaked Girl like a rodent
The knight had died She Came to know
And from her eyes oceans began to flow

Stood on the Demon's 3rd head Knight Slashed his Sword
Piercing it in its heart more can the Demon could afford
Taking a sommersault, Knight landed on the Ground
Demon bled to death,n Knight,in style,spun his sword around

Catherine Tanoto at 11:22pm March 27

Day by day the lady felt miserable
Tears came flowing and intolerable
She had thought of his man’s death morning and night
How would she lead her life without her knight?

She could not release this obsession
She would simply go out of this vexation
Tempted to join him in his new place
Trying to find some toxic so she wouldn’t face anymore days

Husain Daud Abidi at 2:09pm March 28

So she decided what needed to be done
she decided to end her life with a gun
She took the gun fixed it on her head
She glanced the window with her face wide spread

she shed her tears for the time last
Her mind was stunned and thoughts came fast
When suddenly she saw a bright light
blurring completely her eyesight

Catherine Tanoto at 2:22pm March 28

Her man was standing at the front door
Light came showed the only man she adore
Heavy agony turned bliss
Her longing and worry came into peace

Tears came and blurred her eyes
Trying to say, tell and shout
But all she knew her love was so big in size
Thank God,alive her knight she thought about

Husain Daud Abidi at 2:31pm March 28

But then it disappeared like a shadow
She fell down on the floor like a meadow
Was she going insane she thought
So she fixed the gun back on the spot

One of Knights Friends was passing by
Beneath the graceful starry sky
He was so smart and his name was Kevin
Startlingly he heard a gunshot from his friend's cabin

Catherine Tanoto at 2:47pm March 28

Kevin hurried and looked what happened
He could see the lady there
She was very emotionally dampened
Decided to die before it gave her more nightmare

But what made Kevin more surprised
Was his best friend hugging her lady on his lap
The lady had planned to die to pay her price
But the knight made her miss the shot by slap

Husain Daud Abidi at 2:59pm March 28

Kevin was still glancing the scene
when suddenly they heard a hard scream
Knight glanced out of window to outside
A Monster had came out of nowhere like a tide

Knight ordered kevin to escape with her lady
And he took out his sword like a real slim shady
As they cleared the house The Monster banged Fist
For the escape Knight gave his body a nice twist

Catherine Tanoto at 3:31pm March 28

The lady was so panicked
"Is this a trick?"
One thing she had in mind was just
Never ever leave her man in gust

So, she pulled herself out from Kevin
Chasing her man worrying and finding hint
Taking her own sword and trying to fight
Not waiting and crying out of her man's sight

Husain Daud Abidi at 3:52pm March 28

The Monster was Huge as Mountain
But they were pouring with Love Fountain
They Jumped together like flying darts
They knew one hell of Martial Arts

They Jumped long on the Monster's Head
They Didn't fear at all to be dead
Two swords flashed like a bolt
Giving the monster A Painful Jolt

Catherine Tanoto at 11:27pm March 28

The monster fell into pieces
Breaking into lots of smaller spheres
One of them grabbed the princess
and flew away into the darkest atmospheres

The knight shouted in fear
Knowing that his lady was missing was beyond the pale
All of a sudden, he felt queer
This is the first time he felt so frail...l

Husain Daud Abidi at 1:37am March 29

Then he clenched his teeth and fist
He gave his muscles a roring twist
he took out his sword from the sheath
And went to monsters lair beneath

Dark was the lair with webs of spider
and mysterious liquids flowing everywhere
But he was like his own world rider
His Legs were firm in that dark sphere

Catherine Tanoto at 2:07am March 29

Lady was hurt and got injured
There in the lair she was absorbed with poison
Tears went flowing and nightmares conjured
And dreams on her prince flew away far and worsened

All the whirls came and she forgot
just like a brainwashing she could not
remember a thing on her romance with her knight
In that darkest lair her love was put off in a night


Husain Daud Abidi at 3:31am March 29

Exploring the darkest corners was the knight
He expected a mighty fight
His sword was flashing with the light
N he sensed danger so held his breath tight

Suddenly without his notice
Ground slipped from his feet
And he fell in a trapdoor
too dark for light to reseat

Catherine Tanoto at 3:38am March 29

The lady woke up in the middle of that dungeon
She couldn't figure out what brought her here
Nothing, no one, no explanation was shown
She went out and left her place without fear

She heard a scream in gloom
She wondered and searched for that desperate emotion
She then found a room
and there she found a familiar charming man in question

Husain Daud Abidi at 10:38pm March 29

He looked at her eyes large and deep
Like there were a thousand promises to keep
She said nothing and nothing he said
But Silent tiny droplets of rain were overshed

He felt something that smelt more than vengeance
Her eyes seemed to question his own existence
He brought his lips closer to her and she was tainted
But he felt his head heavy and on the spot fainted


Catherine Tanoto at 11:43pm March 29

The knight fell down hard and sickened
Guess a strong knight could lose too
Not to any monsters but to his lady without his clue
He was too tired fighting and heart broken

The lady was so haggard
Her feeling was so stunned by him and complex
This man, he was leaving her perplexed
She reached him and kissed him hard

Husain Daud Abidi at 9:41am March 30

Golden tears of princess on the knight's face fell
He woke up like she had broken a spell
She ran her hands on his forehead
He looked at her eyes waiting for something to be said

Suddenly a black smoke covered the scene
Knight startled and princess Screamed
From out of the shadows of undead
A mysterious fire had started to spread



Jonathan Marpaung at 1:13pm March 30

"Flee!" cried the knight and together they ran
Deeper and deeper into the fiend's den
Away from the flame which engulfs a man
Into the unknown into the beast's pen

Twisting and turning the labyrinth before them
Until they exhausted and collapsed in each others arms
Breathless, yet in ecstasy, all they could fathom
But their quest didn't end as they lay in their charms


Husain Daud Abidi at 7:29pm March 30

Cruel was the fire
Intense was the game
They were lying in each other's arms
And their love was still the same

Bleeding Were The feet
Emotions were discreet
So Intense they hugged each other
As a new born child is hugged by his mother


Catherine Tanoto at 10:24pm March 30

In that darkest place there came disgusting creatures
Not only one, but many being ravenous
They clapped desiring how to cut them in fractures
Myriad ways were thought by the knight out of his cleverness

The lady, scared but felt brave at the same moment
In that lost memory and tension, she was still in question
This man, she found many things in common
Her heart was beating fast between fear and compunction


Husain Daud Abidi at 5:01pm March 31

Fire was Spreading and creatures were on the loose
Narrow was there life and death to choose
Princess came behind knight as a calf
Knight took out his sword and started to slice creatures in half

he was battling with extreme desire
The creatures he killed he threw it in the fire
But the battle was thousands against the one
So once again he held princess's hand and started to run


Catherine Tanoto at 12:11pm April 1

On their way out of the dungeon they were lost in despair
Running all the way incessantly and with pressure
The lady couldn't stand despite she was in pair
Cos then she felt her head hurt as in fissure

"Go away, leave me!" she told the knight
Tears was all over her but she was definite
The knight wouldn't survive if she was with him tight
One thing for sure, her love was infinite


Husain Daud Abidi at 3:44pm April 1

Knight Stunned, Looked once the lady
And Suddenly all the exhaust went fady
Bathed in Sweat He Froze in his Spot
To be or not to be he knew not

The Princess was crying fire was spreading
All the hopes in her eyes were deading
suddenly when the desperation overlapped like a shot of Gun
Knight held the princess in his arms and started to run

Catherine Tanoto at 12:25pm April 14

Hours passed, ultimately they saw a shed of light
Leading their way out of that horrible pit
They ran faster, and the monsters were out of sight
Feeling blissful where their hearts could safely sit

The way out was blocked by a big stone
Hardly could the knight move that thing
But with love, persistence in the tone
The big rock moved, and light gave them blink

Husain Daud Abidi at 10:32pm April 14

So came out they from endless pit and started to run
Their bodies were now shining by the sun
They looked back at the pit and it was about to blast
Diving to the ground Knight took cover of princess fast

Kabooom the cave blew and came out the black smoke
Knight looked at the princess and she was in a state of choke
Knight wiped her lips off the dust
He then fixed his lips to princess with a thrust

Catherine Tanoto at 10:38 pm April 15

The kiss from the knight was utterly delicate
The princess looked up and all seemed illusory
Their love, struggle only they could elucidate
After all, the monsters, the fights all were just cursory

"Has it ended?" Princess conceived
In the hug, with the smile and the look on the knight's face
"Who cares?" The princess perceived
All she would do was feeling their hearts' pace

Husain Daud Abidi at 5:53pm April 17

Was that the end no it was not
The earth began to Shake On the spot
From underneath the earth dug a hole
A serpent emerged gigantic in whole

Knight glanced at the princess then at the serpent
Serpent glanced at their sweaty bodies shining radiant
Like a thief approaches a precious gem light
Serpent began to approach the princess and the knight

Jonathan Marpaung at 7: 32 pm May 5

It taunted them as it circled the two
Casting gusts of wind in the wake of its movements
Dwarfed in size, it's scales could not be cut through
Both knight and lady relived their last moments

They held tight to each other as the snake drew near
Its tongue flicked out in anticipation of the prey
And as the duo were going to give in to their fear
Along came Kevin to save the day

Catherine Tanoto at 1: 38 pm May 13

Kevin rescued and they ran fast
Suddenly a flash of light came out in the dark night
It was the flash of a sword the princess saw at last
The sword was reaching fast towards the knight

Princess' last fear was the knight came to die
So without further ado, she came and received the blade
She said "I love you, goodbye" in the darkest night shade
And with that the princess gave her last breath and die

Husain Daud Abidi at 4:38pm May 13

Knight In desperation hugged the princess
he burried his head in her heart and felt riches
Then he knew his fate wasn't cheating
He still felt her heart beating

The blade had venom and it was spreading fast
The princess still had a few breaths to last
So the knight sucked out all the venom looking at the sky
The venom spread though his blood taking away his life

Catherine Tanoto at 5:17 pm May 13

That would be so much better, the knight regret
Cos when he opened his eyes, this is no lie
The princess frail, so delicate, so pallid
yet, she was no longer there and she died

Knight wished he could turn back time
That he died instead of his sweetheart
But the story wasn't like this, it's hard
The princess died for him, he would not waste his time

Husain Daud Abidi at 6: 49 pm May 13

At last princess opened her eyes to find the knight dead
She dreamt of her love in pain and sobbing her death
It was a sleep but this was real
she wondered at her heart pain so in appeal

Then Kevin came and wiped the princess tears
She was still so beautiful like brittany spears
Kevin gave princess another reason a bliss
he moved her lips closer and gave a passionate kiss

Catherine Tanoto at 7:01 pm May 13

Oh that was again only Kevin's darkest mind
The Knight sighed and buried the princess
He knew he had to live and be fine
cos what he had with her were gone into pieces

As for Kevin, he then tried to kill the knight
cos in his darkest psyche, he hated that warrior
How could this guy miss the blade meant to scythe?
And killed the woman he loved in ulterior

Husain Daud Abidi at 4:37 pm May 19

But jus when knight was weeping with a crave
A hand rose out from underneath the grave
The knight was startled and was frozen
Princess tore outta grave with power of dozen

Her eyes were flaming red, her teeth were pointed long
she was possessed by some evil spirit very strong
she jumped on the knight before he could recover
held him by the throat and choked life out of him sooner

Catherine Tanoto at 10:12 pm May 19

Afterwards, the princess woke up from the spell
And yes, that's true how evil had consumed her entity
She looked down and saw her man not well
died in fact and was supposed to be the end and it's pity

So, she decided, no this is not ended yet
She would then go for the knight's knife
She saw she could actually become his loving wife
and too bad she killed herself to be the safest heart bet

Catherine Tanoto at 10:15 pm May 19

She woke up and saw her knight
On the balcony with the shimmering light
Oh, is this heaven or hell
Who cares? She's with her knight and he's well

And so they died, and met in afterlife
They looked at each other and heck
even in afterlife their love is back
Cos that's better than not being together in life

Feeling crabby

Sometimes in this life, no matter how positive a person is, there is a downside moment. And reflecting my own self, I used to be a positive girl, and I thought I could tolerate all types of behavior. However, we are so imperfect and I am only a human. Is this even a justification? That we are human is not a justification for me to feel like this. Part of me wanna kill, and part of me simply wanna tolerate...This is really a slippery slope towards my ideology.

This is 2.56 am when I am writing this, and I am growing crabby, cantankerous, bad-tempered, aarrrghhh...all words that describe this negativity inside me...
I used to have close friends but almost three years we have never contacted each other due to some irrevocable differences of personalities. They are older, and i knew them as slanderer. They liked to vilify anyone they think as attacking their security. I of course didn't give a damn.

Recently, however, i heard bad rumors about me from my another past close friend. He told me what they talked to him, and i am glad that he told me before mushrooming the situation. But the problem is, what those women told about me to people weren't true! They had arranged their stories in such a way that I found them as such backstabbers who feel insecure with themselves that they have to gossip about people all the time.

God, please help me forgive them! Right now, I just wanna kill!

Having a high fever again

I just came back from Surabaya and now I am in complete mess. My head is spinning around, and what I can do but whining and whining. Well, whining is not the only thing I do, I also have taken my medicine, but yesterday I missed an important date. I was supposed to attend Welly's graduation. He is my best friend, but what to do? I'm having a high fever. Hiks...Hiks...

Anyhow, I hope he will get job soon and congrats!